Greatest Lessons from Year 32 (Part 4/5)
Lesson 4: Learn to Wait
The marshmallow experiment is a famous test conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University and has been repeated many times since. In the 1960s, a group of four-year olds were given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable (determined via surveys of their parents and teachers), and scored an average of 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.
Call it self-control, discipline or patience. These are simple qualities every champion develops.
We are not born with these qualities, we develop them intentionally. Everyone can develop them with dedication and help from others.
The problem? We live in a culture of instant gratification.
We don’t like waiting for our food. We don’t like waiting for people. Research shows we really don’t like to wait for files to be downloaded! That’s why smart websites promise very fast downloads or registration process.
We don’t even like waiting for ourselves to pee – check out this new toilet entertainment technology on BBC.
We hate waiting because we have yet to believe and appreciate the benefits of waiting.
If success is a journey, like what I mentioned in the previous post, then the joy is in the waiting. Waiting can only be enjoyable when there is a worthy reason for waiting.
In year 32, I’ve learned that learning to wait actually is the key to lasting success in these 3 areas:
1. Learning to wait in Life
Like the farmer who plants his seed, he understands there will always be a waiting process before the harvest. When we refuse to go through this waiting process, we miss or destroy our harvest in life.
For me, I had to learn to intentionally slow down and do less so that I can understand and fully appreciate my priorities in life.
Jumping from idea to idea or goal to goal in life doesn’t allow life to take root. It’s like planting a tree and taking it out to plant it in another new location without allowing the roots to really sink into the soil. I’ve made the mistake countless times in my initial search for relationships, jobs and starting businesses. I wanted it fast and I didn’t care how.
Learning to wait in life can be the missing key to your success if you are still jumping around and going around in circles in your life. Learn to slow down, listen to others and reflect more.
2. Learning to wait in Relationships
It’s interesting that in the famous “love chapter” in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Corinthian church, he begins describing love as “Love is patient…“.
That alone has been one of the greatest and hardest lessons ever. It also happens to be the key to success in all relationships.
For me, I’ve had to learn to wait more on others in relationships. It means giving them more time and space to grow. It means being slow to judge and quick to think the best of others. It means being slow to anger and quick to forgive. It means talking less and listening more. It means taking total responsibility for the relationship and intentionally doing what’s best for others.
Learning to wait in relationships have helped me find the greatest satisfaction and success in my relationship with my wife, family, colleagues and friends. If sitting down to listen to someone is hard for you, perhaps this is could be the missing key to successful relationships in your life.
3. Learning to wait in Career
In our hunger to succeed in our careers, waiting can seem like the enemy rather than the ally. Unknowingly, we get sucked into the rat race of achieving more but it is a race with no winners. Students race to graduate from the top universities to find a job. Professionals race to be promoted to gain position & status. Where are we really racing to? We need to stop to ask ourselves if we are running the right race!
For me, waiting has helped me to find clarity in how I can best contribute to others. It means giving myself time to grow and figure out my strengths, passion and the work I am born for. It has helped me to get out and stay out of the rat race by not being distracted by money, position and status. It has helped me to do less and achieve more.
I’ve learned the very hard way that waiting can be a great ally in building a truly successful and satisfying career. If the rat race seems like the life you are living now, perhaps taking some serious time off to ask yourself what you can stop doing now would be a good place to start. Next would be finding some good trusted friends and mentors for advice.
Learning to wait has definitely been one of life’s greatest lesson and reward for me. When we know how rewarding waiting can be, we will begin to learn real patience and discipline. I sincerely hope this is a lesson we can learn and continue to learn together!
Greatest Lessons from Year 32 (Part 3/5)
Picture taken from blog.ahealthycore.com
Lesson 3: Success is the Clarity, Intensity & Consistency of Purpose
What’s your definition of success?
Everyone has one, whether it is intentionally crafted or not.
It’s an interesting question to ask sometimes. It may be too heavy a question to ask over lunch or dinner but if you are a leader, it’s an important question to ask yourself and your team when you have the opportunity.
I think we can safely assume everyone wants to be successful and no one wants to be unsuccessful.
Yet, while the desire for success is so real, success continues to be so elusive to so many. Many of us want success without knowing what success is.
We consider success to be the number in our bank account, the car or motorbike we drive, the size of our houses, the position in our work, etc. Yet, it never seems to satisfy us.
What really is success? Some would say success is what you make it. It’s whatever you want it to be. I used to think so too but I now think that kind of answer doesn’t help anyone and it’s an irresponsible answer.
John Maxwell and Zig Ziglar describe success as a journey, not a destination. I’m still trying to understand and apply this principle in my life today.
The truth is, we have little or no control on how and when we enter and leave earth. We only have today. Right now.
If we have to wait till we have certain achievements to believe we are successful, we disillusion ourselves in this never ending rat race where there are no winners and even if we do get pretty far ahead in that race, we’re at best, still a rat.
Over the years, my definition of success has evolved to what it is now:
Success is the Clarity, Intensity & Consistency of Purpose
Success is having clarity of our purpose here on earth. Knowing why we are here, what we are to do and how we should live each day. We are here for a reason far greater than ourselves. When we live self-centeredly and selflishly, we blind ourselves to the purpose we are here for. I know my purpose is to love God, love my family & love others. It’s the greatest, most important and demanding priority of my life and I’m still on the journey of learning how to live that purpose everyday.
Success is having intensity for our purpose. Living each day, each moment and each breath with joy and passion. It is embracing the people and opportunities that we encounter on our journey with all our hearts. We are willing to risk, to love selflessly and to give unconditionally.
Success is having consistency for our purpose. It’s staying focused & being single minded. It’s getting up when we fall down. It’s learning from pain, suffering and failure which are all guarantee in life. But these encounters do not stop us but mould us to be who we need to become to fulfill our purpose. If we do not give up on our purpose, we are still in the journey of success.
As long as I am on my journey of success, I am successful. If tomorrow never comes, I leave with no regrets because I had given my all for my purpose.
What about you? Do you need to rethink how you define success?
Greatest Lessons from Year 32 (Part 2/5)
Taken from wildlovestory.com
Lesson 2: Good is truly the worst enemy of Best
I heard this the first time probably around 2000 from Ed Cole who was teaching at my church in Singapore. It’s been one of those lessons that I’m still trying to learn today.
Many of us want our life to be like water flowing down hill, taking the path of least resistance.
It is tempting to want life to be easy, average or good. The reason we want this could be because we are lazy, ignorant or most likely fearful of paying the price of what is best.
In the best seller Good to Great, Jim Collin explains “We don’t have great schools, principally because we have good schools. We don’t have great government, principally because we have good government. Few people attain great lives, in large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life. The vast majority of companies never become great, precisely because the vast majority become quite good — and that is their main problem.”
It is easier to settle for just being a good husband, father, son, leader & friend rather than be the best husband, father, son, leader & friend I could possibly be. It is a daily battle & a daily choice.
We must learn to say NO to the good to say YES to the best everyday.
Saying YES to the best does not mean becoming greedy for more. Rather, it means being more simple and focused on what truly matters in our lives.
Saying YES to the best does not mean becoming a perfectionist with unattainable standards. Rather, it means having the security to give our best every time while enjoying our journey.
As I began practicing this lesson in my life, my relationships and business changed drastically over time. I am not in a rush to be perfect, yet I demand the best from myself every single day. My wife tells me this has inspired her and others to also not settle for the good. I am grateful for my wife who has the same attitude and for my mentors who gently helped me to understand and apply this lesson.
I’ve seen far too many individuals, couples, families, teams & organizations just settle for easy, mediocre and good. In doing so, they cheat themselves and others of the best life they could had lived and given back to others.
Please do not go down this path. Choose the other road. Never settle for the good. Only settle for the best!
To say NO to the good, we must develop a strong hatred for the “good” such that only the “best” will satisfy us.
What can you say NO to and start saying YES to today?
