Greatest Lessons from Year 32 (Part 4/5)

Lesson 4: Learn to Wait

The marshmallow experiment is a famous test conducted by psychologist Walter Mischel at Stanford University and has been repeated many times since. In the 1960s, a group of four-year olds were given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable (determined via surveys of their parents and teachers), and scored an average of 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

Call it self-control, discipline or patience. These are simple qualities every champion develops.

We are not born with these qualities, we develop them intentionally. Everyone can develop them with dedication and help from others.

The problem? We live in a culture of instant gratification.

We don’t like waiting for our food. We don’t like waiting for people. Research shows we really don’t like to wait for files to be downloaded! That’s why smart websites promise very fast downloads or registration process.

We don’t even like waiting for ourselves to pee – check out this new toilet entertainment technology on BBC.

We hate waiting because we have yet to believe and appreciate the benefits of waiting.

If success is a journey, like what I mentioned in the previous post, then the joy is in the waiting. Waiting can only be enjoyable when there is a worthy reason for waiting.

In year 32, I’ve learned that learning to wait actually is the key to lasting success in these 3 areas:

1. Learning to wait in Life

Like the farmer who plants his seed, he understands there will always be a waiting process before the harvest. When we refuse to go through this waiting process, we miss or destroy our harvest in life.

For me, I had to learn to intentionally slow down and do less so that I can understand and fully appreciate my priorities in life.

Jumping from idea to idea or goal to goal in life doesn’t allow life to take root. It’s like planting a tree and taking it out to plant it in another new location without allowing the roots to really sink into the soil. I’ve made the mistake countless times in my initial search for relationships, jobs and starting businesses. I wanted it fast and I didn’t care how.

Learning to wait in life can be the missing key to your success if you are still jumping around and going around in circles in your life. Learn to slow down, listen to others and reflect more.

2. Learning to wait in Relationships

It’s interesting that in the famous “love chapter” in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Corinthian church, he begins describing love as “Love is patient…“.

That alone has been one of the greatest and hardest lessons ever. It also happens to be the key to success in all relationships.

For me, I’ve had to learn to wait more on others in relationships. It means giving them more time and space to grow. It means being slow to judge and quick to think the best of others. It means being slow to anger and quick to forgive.  It means talking less and listening more. It means taking total responsibility for the relationship and intentionally doing what’s best for others.

Learning to wait in relationships have helped me find the greatest satisfaction and success in my relationship with my wife, family, colleagues and friends. If sitting down to listen to someone is hard for you, perhaps this is could be the missing key to successful relationships in your life.

3. Learning to wait in Career

In our hunger to succeed in our careers, waiting can seem like the enemy rather than the ally. Unknowingly, we get sucked into the rat race of achieving more but it is a race with no winners. Students race to graduate from the top universities to find a job. Professionals race to be promoted to gain position & status. Where are we really racing to? We need to stop to ask ourselves if we are running the right race!

For me, waiting has helped me to find clarity in how I can best contribute to others. It means giving myself time to grow and figure out my strengths, passion and the work I am born for. It has helped me to get out and stay out of the rat race by not being distracted by money, position and status. It has helped me to do less and achieve more.

I’ve learned the very hard way that waiting can be a great ally in building a truly successful and satisfying career. If the rat race seems like the life you are living now, perhaps taking some serious time off to ask yourself what you can stop doing now would be a good place to start. Next would be finding some good trusted friends and mentors for advice.

Learning to wait has definitely been one of life’s greatest lesson and reward for me. When we know how rewarding waiting can be, we will begin to learn real patience and discipline. I sincerely hope this is a lesson we can learn and continue to learn together!

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